Dance- no ones watching! Love- you're not hurt! Sing- no ones listening! Live- heaven is on earth!

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lavender tulips【ツ】
United Kingdom
I'm a complete nutcase & I love it! I've been in a kind of life crisis *shriek* for a little while now, but I believe everything will sort itself =) Visit if you'd like to see recipe's, pictures of food, silly pictures of me and my friends, stories of my travels and general rantings from explosions of my brain cells.
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Saturday, May 31, 2008

Exhausted...

I'm really exhausted at the moment. Peter & Becky's wedding was today...and it was such a beautiful ceremony! I was really nervous about how Becky would look (I did her make up) but she looked uber glam & it all turned out fantastic!! Her dress was gorgeous & she has this amazing hour glass-esqe shape. And I still can't believe Peter wore a kilt! Hahahaha! Anyway, I was up at 7 am this morning to head to hers, and I only had 4 hours sleep & after an obviously long day, I'm exhausted. Terribly exhausted! There's so much I want to put down in words about today though but I haven't the energy so I'm gonna leave you with a video that is so typically 'me'. Haha, always makes me laugh! My brother says it almost looks like I planned it, but erm, trust me, I'm just naturally clumsy! Lol =)

Enjoy & I'll put some pictures up from the wedding soon. Good night!

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not alter, when it alteration finds...

Friday, May 30, 2008

Seafood pasta with a rocket salad.

  • Heat a table spoon of extra virgin olive oil in a pan.
  • Add 2 tea spoon of ginger & garlic paste, each. Alternatively add 10 grams chopped ginger & 5 cloves of garlic, crushed.
  • Add 100 grams of prawns (shrimp), mussels & kalamari (squid) to the pan and stir for 5 minutes.
  • Add 3 blended tomatoes (or finely chopped & squished tomatoes- alternatively add equal amounts of ready pasta sauce) and 2 table spoons of concentrated totamo puree paste.
  • Stir for 5 minutes.
  • Add salt, pepper, lemon juice, coriander (powder or fresh) & dill (freshly chopped) to taste & stir for the last five minutes.
  • Boil 75 grams wholemeal pasta in a pot. Add a tea spoon of butter and a pinch of salt. When nice and soft, which would be about 10 minutes later, add the seafood in & serve.
  • For the salad, wash the rocket and strain.
  • Add half a tea spoon mustard to one tea spoon extra virgin olive oil. Now add 2 tea spoon white wine vinegar to the equation and drizzle this all into your rocket.
  • Grate some cheddar onto the rocket & serve with the pasta.

Enjoy! =)

My funky monkey glasses.

So I ordered these glasses online & they arrived today. They make me look SOOOO intellectual!! =) Exactly what I had in mind!! They're incredibly light too- its like I'm not even wearing them!!
See, some of you might think I'm a little bit mental for doing this, but I actually don't _NEED_ glasses. I have perfect vision, better than perfect *knockonwood* but for some reason I've always been jealous of people that wear glasses. All my 6 flatmates wear prescription glasses...and I've kinda always wanted to. So I ordered them online instead!! Woo hoo!
The ordered silver ones but I actually got them in plum 'cuz they were out of the silver (they were absolutely dirt cheap!!) and they came in a cool pink case. Dude, sweet. =) =)

Why did I buy them then you ask?

1) They make me look smarter. Like intellectual smarter. And as a medical student you get taken very seriously if you look the geeky part.

2) I wear gloves/aprons/masks/hats etc when I'm around patients or in theatre and make sure if I've got cuts somewhere then I keep them bandaged. Luckily, I've never had any problems with a needle stick or any other sharps injury. But I'm really REALLY _REALLY_ freaked about getting something (i.e. bodily fluids) in my eye. This is the one way into my body for germs that I cannot protect. Hence glasses! They make me feel safer as I go around the hospital, and really thats the only place I need to use 'em.

Genius, aren't I? *hugewidegrin* Plus I'm totally loving this slight pink/purple tint they have- awesomeness!!
ps: They're giving me a slight bit of a headache, even though they have no power. Is that bad?

Thursday, May 29, 2008

I dance to my heart's content everyday!

So I was sitting at my desk revising...till the kids in the street below started yelling and shouting. They do this often, sometimes in the middle of their football or just generally when they're running around. So I decided to take a break from the studying & not being able to focus anyway I just decided to stretch my legs.

And as was usual, I ended up dancing to the music they were blasting down in the street. I played a couple of songs on my laptop & continued grinning & dancing around in my room (while being productive & vaccuming) and I realised, as always, how much joy dancing brought me.

I don't know what made me look outside again, but when I did I saw this boy in a wheel chair & I felt something twist in my stomach. All the kids were dancing but he remained at a distance. I could see his dad/older brother point to the kids and ask if he wanted to join them, but he stayed put. I watched him for a couple of minutes and then his dad/older brother person, wheeled him away and they went down the street.

I don't know who that little boy was. I don't know why he was in a wheel chair. I don't even know if he liked dancing & wasn't able to anymore. All I could think was, I've never thanked God for the fact that I'm able to dance.

I love to dance & I'm always thinking about it & dancing around everywhere but I don't think I've ever been grateful for it. I've never thanked Him. Never in 23 years. I'm sorry. It's moments like these when I realize how perfect you are & how much more I need to grow in you.

Thank you. Thank you that I have limbs that I can use. To walk. To run. To dance. Thank you.

Lamb curry.

All right! So I had some yummy lamb curry this afternoon for lunch & I'd like to share the recipe with you. Generally it is my dad who makes a really mean hyderabadi mutton curry (mutton is goat meat guys) but since I really don't know where I can get goat in Liverpool the lamb from Tesco's is a close second choice. This is really easy to make, atleast the way I do it & its really yum!

Traditional Indian mutton curry is made in a pressure cooker. It comes out absolutely delicious that way & the meat literally just falls off the bone. It can be made on a flame stove as well, like my dad does. But if you're scared of a pressure cooker like I am and have a electric hob- like I do =) don't fear. We'll make it work either way.

Firstly lets tackle the lamb. In itself it's quite a rich meat & very heavy, so trust me you want to take all the fat off it. Clean & wash the meat well, lamb fat doesn't taste very nice when cooked Indian style. Chop the lamb in small pieces, the size you want to eat in one bite. Lamb's a tough meat & you don't want to be ripping it apart & struggling with it on the table.
In a big bowl marinade half kilo chopped pieces of lamb in
-2 table spoons lemon juice
-4 table spoons greek yoghurt
-Pinch of salt, pepper & terragon each, or however much you prefer.
Wrap & keep to marinate in your fridge for an hour.

For the curry you need
-1 hugely large onion, finely chopped
-4 huge tomatoes, finely chopped
-2 table spoons garlic paste (or 8-9 cloves of garlic, finely chopped)
-2 table spoons ginger paste (or 30 grams ginger, finely chopped)
-Coriander seeds
-Mustard seeds
-Cumin seeds (a.k.a zeera/jeera)
-Cloves (powder or whole)
-Cardamom (powder or whole)
-Nutmeg (powder or whole)
-Cinnamon (a stick or powder)
-3 Bay leaves

To make the lamb heat 2 table spoon sunflower oil in a wok/kadhai/pan. Once medium hot chuck 10 grams of the coriander, cumin & mustard seeds in. You can also throw in whole black pepper kernels for a more spicy flavour. Then chuck a the cinnamon stick with a few cloves, cardamom & nutmeg bits or a couple of pinches of each powder followed by the bay leaves. Chuck the garlic & ginger in after 10-15 seconds. This should all be sizzling in your pan now & you might find it handy to reach for a splatter guard.

Throw your onions in now and stir 'em around till they're a nice golden brown & follow that with the tomatoes. If you don't like your curry with a it of tangyness to it, don't put as many tomatoes in. Now keep stirring this mixture so that it doesn't burn and cookit for a couple of minutes till it reduces by half. Reducing it means to cook the tomatoes & onions down, till you have a sort of mushy paste. This is called your 'tadka', which is the base of all Indian cooking.

Now you need to enhance the flavour of the curry with some good old Indian masala's (spices). Stick
-2 tea spoons garam masala
-1 tea spoon salt
-1 tea spoon coriander powder
-1/2 tea spoon turmeric (haldi)
-1 tea spoon chilli (or however much you like)
-1/2 tea spoon cumin powder
-A pinch of mango powder (a.k.a amchur powder, khataii)
and stir your mushy tadka around. Now stick your meat it & stir for about 10 minutes. Reduce the heat, add 150 ml of water, 5 table spoons of full (or half/single) cream & cook for a good 30 minutes. Keep stirring every few minutes so that the curry doesn't burn at the bottom of the pan. When it's cooked, garnish with some chopped coriander (or spring onions like I have 'cuz I ran out of coriander!!) and serve on a bed of rice.
For the rice, I usually use basmati rice which is widely available. But really anything you prefer will do. The key to cooking rice is to wash it a couple of times to remove the starch. You know when the water you're washing is doesn't turn a milky white, that your rice is clean. Stick your pinky in the vessel you're cooking your rice in measure the depth of the rice. Add water to twice that level, and that's how much water you need. Add a dollop of butter, a pinch of salt & a tea spoon of ginger paste in your rice & that makes it really fragrant.

Hope all this is pretty simple & easy to follow. This is the first recipe I've ever made up, don't worry I'm not quitting my day job just as yet! =) Let me know if this turns out well (or horribly wrong) with anyone & ofcourse, constructive criticism is always welcome!
Note to self. The cops just took D's car.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Snow smells so nice!



This video always makes me smile...It was pretty long ago, when it hailed for the first time that year & we knew winter had arived. As it started snowing, we ran outside & went pretty mental, we made snow angels, had a snow ball fight, made and dressed our own snow man...


Snow makes me smile & I totally love that smell of fresh snow. Everyone's always laughing and smiling when it snows & everyone seems to get along...I love that about the snow. It has that weird way of bringing people together...Just generally making you leave behing your stresses & acting 5 years old again. Hahaha! Tobogganing still is just as exciting for me at 23 as it was when I was 2...

I was about a year old when I first saw snow. I was living with my mum in Dalhousie and to this day I can remember that sweet smell. That combination of her chanel perfume & the fresh snow. I vaguely remember a pony, a piano & ofcourse the snow fall. To this day I remember, those first 'bonding moments' with my mum in the snow. I can clearly remember her telling me to stick my tongue out and to try and eat the flakes, she taught me how to make my first snow angel & she plonked this huge snowball on my head! Hehe. Bless her! Those were such good times! I was so young, I can't believe I still remember this stuff...I spoke to mum for 7 minutes today. I hate the time difference! I just want her to come here & visit me. I want exams to be over & I want to just hug her! So so bad.

Anyway, its off to bed for me. I'm guessing I'm gonna have sweet dreams. =)

Buenas noches!

"Sometimes our light goes out but is blown into flame by another human being. Each of us owes deepest thanks to those who have rekindled this light."-Albert Schweitzer

Je suis free! =)


I did it. I reported it! And I didn't even leave fingerprints.

I feel so 'Alias' -esq cool, its so unbelievable. *HUGEwidegrin*

I've controlled my temper and been a good girl. I just want to do the right thing, ofcourse I do.


I just wish I could hit back, yell back or just express how angry this situation makes me. But I'm not being like that... It wont be the right thing to do. I can't believe my consciense is kicking in right now at this moment! Lol...urgh!!! Talk about ironic...


I want sweet revenge, I can almost taste it. I want to act on impulse but I can't believe I'M actually not! I have this opportunity to be shit ass nasty & I can't believe I'm not acting upon this god sent opportunity. But I guess it's not god sent. It's more like the devils work.


I guess I'm not gonna do something to hurt someone because I know exactly how that feels, how much that sucks. So I guess I am a good person on the inside. Right, back to revision. I feel so free! *big smile*

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1...


9 LASTS...:
.
Last dollar spent:: On my flight back to Manchester from Singapore. Spent $60 on some revlon stuff.
.
Last cigar:: Never
.
Last beverage:: Water, 2 hours ago when I needed to take my meds.
.
Last movie:: Into the blue? With Jessica Alba & Paul Walker. It was on TV a couple of days ago. In the cinema, I last saw 21 & what happens in Vegas, both the same evening a couple of weeks ago.
.
Last phone call:: My mummy called :) couple of hours ago.
.
Last song played:: Porque es tan cruel el amor- Ricardo Arjona
.
Last bubble bath:: More than a year ago...I need one now so bad!
.
Last thing you ate:: Salmon with noodles & plain yoghurt.
.
8 HAVE YOU EVERS...
.
Have you ever dated a best friend:: Nope.
.
Have you ever skinny dipped:: No, but I'd like to.
.
Have you ever kissed somebody and regretted it:: Yes, twice.
.
Have you ever lost someone you loved:: No. Well yes, but he didn't die.
.
Have you ever been dumped:: Yeap. Just recently.
.
Have you ever been drunk and threw up:: Not in many years, thank god!
.
Have you ever run away:: No, but I'm so close...again, where would I go?!
.
7 PLACES YOU'VE BEEN TO:

1.: Los Angeles
2.: Agra
3.: Sydney
4.: Nairobi
5.: Bangkok
6.: Auckland
7.: Tokyo
.
6 THINGS YOU'VE DONE TODAY: (in no particular order...)
1.: DHL'd documents.
2.: Had a text argument.
3.: Yoga'd
4.: Studied
5.: Cried
6.: Coughed my lung out. (Almost)
.
5 OF YOUR FAVIES (in no particular order...):
1.: People that can make me laugh.
.
2.: Hugs from people that truly care for me.
.
3.: cooking spicy, tangy, exotic food- with prawns!
.
4.: Bling-bling! Diamonds!!
.
5.: Dancing to my hearts content! =)
.
4 PEOPLE YOU CAN TELL [almost] NETHING 2 (no particular order):
1.: Jessica
2.: Suren
3.: My mum
4.: My brother
.
3 THINGS THAT MAKE YOU SMILE:
1.: Romantic, close intimate & fuzzy moments with someone.
.
2.: When I see patients being really strong & positive as they fight through illnesses...I want to smile for them, pray for 'em & hug 'em. Its so encouraging to see such amazing people.
.
3.: Silly things like ice cream, cotton candy, babies, latin music playing, water balloon fights, snow & bright sparkly stuff.
.
2 THINGS U WANNA DO BEFORE U DIE:
1.: Get my pilot's license.
2.: Find someone who loves me back...cares for me...
.
1 THINK YOU CANNOT LIVE W/OUT:
#1 Thing:: Support, love & care of my family & friends.
.
.
.
Or possibly toilet paper...

Who am I?


"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation."- Oscar Wilde
I know it sounds so picture perfect & my brother would give an arm to be here, but staying in the snowy-cold weather is getting seriously annoying to my sinuses. I have major ENT problems that have turned me deaf- but that is never EVER…gonna get in the way of me flying =)
I’m growing older & that freaks me out! The dark freaks me out too. Sometimes. I’m sick of other people dumping their problems on me. Ugh, idiots! My issues are so much more important! =P But apparently I have a soul & am a good listener. Might have something to do with me being a Piscean. Got a typical lavender loving, day-dreaming, emotional love bug on your hands that can chill on a beach or in her pool all day.
My baby brother…makes me smile. Everyone thinks we’re dating. Might have something to do with him being a foot taller than me & looking 5 years older than me, rather than the other way around. Ice cream also makes me smile. But where I absolutely let loose, is on the dance floor. Whether its my hair up & sticking to the rules of ballroom & latin, or its letting my hair down & shaking them hips- DANCING is my way of life & it makes me grin from ear to ear!
I like to- cook-feed-eat, sing along to my guitar alone in my room, paint/sketch/scribble, swim, dance in the rain, laugh, drive, pray, smell flowers, take pictures, sew, traveltraveltravel, read Shakespeare, watch a musical/ballet, cuddle/deliver/sing to babies, interior design & talk on the phone curled up in my bed with hot choclate. (whipped cream please!)
And long as you seriously don’t mention snakes or lizards, (‘cuz you would make me cry if you did!) we could even get along. And God! If you’re reading this- GET IN TOUCH!
Right, going to go watch apprentice now. It's on, on a Tuesday. But only for this week. Lets see what Sir Alan Sugar has up his sleeve...

supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

I need a cuddle! I miss my mom so much right now, she'll be here in a fortnight once I get exams out the way. But I still do miss her a whole lot! Cuddling her is so soft and warm I just always get the fuzzies. =) I'm still heartbroken this morning...but I've just been *shockgaspingshock* 'cuz I've spent £133.24 DHL'ing documents to Nairobi for my housemate! Can you believe it! See I don't get this, I always tell people to plan plan plan before they leave for a trip as big as a post-exam-3-week-recluse-climbing-mount-kilimanjaro. But Coco and Squid didn't listen. From their malaria tablets to sending Coco's sister documents for her british visa so she can come to Coco's graduation hs all come on to my very responsible shoulders (NOT! *smirks*) and I hope I've done the job right.
Coco's a real dear friend of mine. We'll all lived together for 3 years now and 310 is most definately home to all of us. I really want her sister to make it to Coco's graduation (she's topped her year & I'm very proud of her) 'cuz I know it means the world to have her family here for such an important day. Which reminds me, I must ask them if they've ordered their robes and things too. See people always call me the worrier, but it's all good now isn't it...When others forget to do stuff. Hah!
I guess I'd just like to be appreciated for things I do...
Any-hoot! I came across Amitabh Bachan & Aamir Khan's blog today. See I swapped my old laptop with my dad and now am the proud owner of a hot hot vaio. I hadn't changed the home page my dad had on here, of India Times and I came across some news about Big B badmouthing SRK on his blog. From there I also discovered why this man thinks 'Why angry old men shoudn't blog' which made for very entertaining reading. I must remember to send these links to my mum. She's going to love these celebrity blogs, they certainly do make up some really enjoyable reading.
For now I'm gonna make myself some enjoyable reading, for like 10 years from now!
1. Slept naked? Not in a couple of days.
2. Taken a shower with someone? Check.
3. Kissed a member of the same sex? No, but I want to! =)
4. Drove a car faster than you should have? No, never.
5. Stole anything? Most recently, Squid's thong's.
6. Been in love? Double check.
7. Been dumped? Yes, unfortunately.
8. Stolen money from a friend/family member? I stole $10 out of my mum's wallet in Year 11. But I felt so guilty I told her about it the next day with a huge flood of tears & she forgave me...which made me feel even MORE guilty.
9. Eaten something that you regret? Wasabi! I was on a plane to LA via Tokya in '01, lunch was a 5 course meal and I didn't opt out of a course of japanese noodles with wasabi!! The first time I ate it, it stung SO BAD! I can now tolerate it in small doses.
10. Ever put lemon in your hair? I have rubbed it in once, yes. Apparently it helps with a flaky scalp but I just smelt citrussy after.
11. Been to more than 7 different countries? Yup. My dad's a pilot. We travel a lot.
12. Ever caught a butterfly? No, that's cruel! My brother is a lepidophobic though. I've always thought that's SO weird.
13. Ever caught a wild animal? I've seen 'em in a Kenyan safari, no wait that doesn't count. Umm, I stumbled across a baby cobra when I was 10. I'd been camping with my brother and a friend but some Indian army men we're around and they smashed its head in with a brick. Then my friend told me horrible stories about how its mother was gonna come at us for revenge. I've been an ophidophobe since!
17. Had a crush on your neighbour? Nope. My neighbours we're never applicable for crushes.
18. Ditched school to do something more fun? Well, we we're on a Geography day trip in Grade 12 & after a very boring lecture at some agricultural authority of Singapore or something me & a friend lied to our tutor saying we had to do some field research so we had to scram, but really we went to see O. Josh Hartnett was such a heart throb!
19. Slept in a bed with a member of the opposite sex? Yup. Ste bags stayed over the other day after a heart to heart. He broke up with T. =(
20. Lost a friend? No, thank god!
21. Been on a plane? Haha, yes I have.
22. Been to an island? Done!
23. Slept in until 3? And sometimes later, yes.
24. Love someone or miss someone right now? Most definately.
25. Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? Aaah yes, I miss those times I would go cyclying in Singapore.
26. Made a snow angel? Haha, yes!! It didn't snow very well this year, but I have!
27. Played dress up? Of course! And as an adult, halloween is the best chance to do so!
28. Cheated while playing a game? Oh totally!
29. Been lonely? Yeah, kinda.
30. Kissed more than 4 people in one night? Lol, I wish! Nope.
32. Felt an earthquake? Yeah, they're pretty common in South East Asia, but we had our own Manchester one a couple of months ago.
33. Touched a snake? Ophidophobe, remember??!
34. Ran a red light? Nooo!
35. Been suspended from school? Nope.
36. Had detention? Never.
37. Been in a car accident? Ugh yes, with Squid and I don't want to think about it. We're so lucky to be alive!
38. Had a party in your house while your parents were away? Nuh-uh.
39. Used a fake id? They have fake ones??!
40. Crawled through a window? Haha! My bathroom window, yes!! Aaah, good old student halls.
41. Been lost? Atleast twice a day.
42. Been to the opposite side of the country? Country & gobe. Yes.
44. Cried yourself to sleep? Sadly...uh huh...I have...
45. Smoked a cigar? Eww, no.
47. Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? Not really, I can't think of anything.
48. Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? On my 16th birthday & I remember that one pretty clearly. I had orange juice all over me!
49. Caught a snowflake on your tongue?! It's the first thing I do when I see its snowing outside!
50. Kissed in the rain? Not yet, but I would love to. Water has such an odd way of making things so sensual.
51. Sang in the shower? Every morning, every night.
52. Made love in a park? Ugh, why do people do tha!
53. Had a dream that you married someone? Yeah, sure I have.
54. Glued your hand to something? *Nods* AND I stapled myself once. It hurts.
55. Got your tongue stuck to a flag pole? I'm surprised that I haven't actually, its so something I could see myself doing.
56. Ever gone to work partially naked? That would be pretty unprofessional. Unless patients are into that kinda thing. I know the nurses's outfit is pretty popular with men. I'm not so sure about doctors.
57. Been a cheerleader? I should have!
58. Had more than ten boy/girl friends? Nope.
59. Didn't take a shower for a week? Never.
60. Ever too scared to watch scary movies alone? No, I'm a wuss!
61. Played chicken? Yes? No? I don't know?!
62. Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? Yes, grrr, by my brother. It's always him who does it. And one time I was wearing white cotton shorts so you could see EVERYTHING when they got wet!!
63. Been told you're hot by a complete stranger? A couple of times in clubs, people have tapped me on the shoulder and said I look really nice or my outfit's really hot. I was very flattered 'cuz they didn't seem drunk or anything & didn't sleaze & ask for my number.
64. Broken a bone? Yes & no.
65. Been easily amused? I am all the time =)
66. Laugh so hard you cry? Hahahahahahahahaha *tears up* ...yes!
67. Mooned/flashed someone? I haven't the balls! I wish I did.
68. Cheated on a test? and gotten caught...7th grade Sanskrit. Geez.
69. Forgotten someone's name? Sometimes, but I'm usually good with names.
71. Done something dumb while drunk? And have photographic proof...
75. Gone to a late night movie? In Singapore yeah, like the midnight shows and stuff.
76. Made love to anything not human? Is this a trick question? *confused* Erm, no.
77. Failed a class? Yup.
78. Choked on something you're not supposed eat? A coin when I was 4, I dunno why I still remember that.
79. Smoked pot? In first year the guy who lived under me dealt, so if I opened my window any time of day I could smell pot.
80. Cheated on a girl/boyfriend? Never have, never would.
81. Celebrate the 4th of July? I live in England. The 4th of July is like the points they get in 'Whos line is it anyway'.
82. Thrown strange objects? Sure.
83. Felt like killing someone? Oooooooh, yes.
84. Thought about running away? Sigh, yeah. But where would I go?
86. Got a piercing? Just my ear lobes, but I do want more.
87. Cut your own hair? I regularly trim my fringe.
89. Made a parent cry? Yeah...*ashamed*. You know I'm not scared anymore of mum getting angry at me, I just never want to disappoint her.
90. Cried over someone? Oh yeah.
91. Owned more than 5 sharpies? I do have a wide collection of colourful pens. But no sharpies.
92. Dated someone more than once? No.
93. Had/Have a dog? I'm scared of dogs!! Ugh, they lick you. Slimy! And their fur gets everywhere & makes me itch!
94. Have an iPod? No, what useless things.
95. Smoked a cigarette? Yeah.
96. Been in a band? Yeap, I played flute. It was very rocker cool.
97. Drank 25 sodas in a day? I don't drink fizzy drinks.
98. Broken a CD? I did try once, its really hard!
99. Shot a gun? At balloons, yeah. I'm pretty good!
100. Wanted someone but could never have them? Nope.

Monday, May 26, 2008

~You're a heartbreaker~

Things get damaged, things get broken. Except its been so long now, I wonder if it'll ever get fixed.
Let me explain...When I had my heart broken for the first time (t'was a cheater) I was young, had been so in love & just felt like I needed to let my emotions out. I guess part of that was putting a little broken heart at the beginning my MSN nick name & hoping and praying that one day I could take it off and replace it with a proper little red heart.
Three years on, its still there & it breaks my heart to see it there. I'm so much older but absolutely none the wiser (and my luck still sucks I guess...). In this moment I feel so heart broken, so squished out of my soul its a little saddening.
Some days I get so jealous watching people hug. Not like those 'Okay I'll see you later' or 'It was so good to see you' hugs. But hugs between people that just love each other so unconditionally, those hugs where you click like two puzzle blocks and you wanna close your eyes and smile 'cuz you feel so loved.
I hate this feeling of being walked all over. I never made the same mistake with anyone twice though, although second chances are worth it sometimes. However, why is it oh God that every man I meet in the end just doesn't respect me. I know all men aren't awful & mean. Some even know how to treat a woman...but why must you make the good one's hide away from me!!! I want to be able to tell someone that I love them and know they really mean it too when they say it back. I can't stop playing my 100 most romantic songs collection! And when I'm done with that its the 36 greatest tear jerkers CD. Ugh! Not helping myself, am I? =) I'm a dodo!!
I'm just _SUCH_ an emotional person. I love to love, to hug people- get & give hugs & I absolutely love my friends. I'm fiercely loyal and loving and it is just the way God made me. Is that so wrong? Is it so wrong to cry if something touches you, and say no to someone when they cross the line. I know what my morals are, I believe in them and stand up for them. Most people's lives are just spent in looking/dressing/talking/being like someone else. I, trust me, am pretty 'special' (in the they-gave-you-the-big-crayons-in-kindergarden type way, my friends will vouch for that :) haha!) and I'm proud of that. Does being different repel love? I mean, is it the fact that people don't like what they see? But the eyes are blind, you must look with your heart!
For now I just take comfort in the fact that some of my closest friends are also having issues, atleast we have each other to fall back on and grow old with if nothing else works out!

When you love someone, all your saved-up wishes start coming out.

It's been a while...

Oh dear!

I haven't written on here forever! I always do this... I hadn't written in my dairy for like 5 years, and then I found it the other day in a random drawer.

I move countries, carry it with me, but neither do I read it or even remember that it exists! Geez Louise.

Anyway, I'm gonna be better with this stuff now... I shall write often. I have new goals now. More dreams =) And I wanna type 'em all out for me to remember!

One of them includes getting a tummy like this!!