Dance- no ones watching! Love- you're not hurt! Sing- no ones listening! Live- heaven is on earth!

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lavender tulips【ツ】
United Kingdom
I'm a complete nutcase & I love it! I've been in a kind of life crisis *shriek* for a little while now, but I believe everything will sort itself =) Visit if you'd like to see recipe's, pictures of food, silly pictures of me and my friends, stories of my travels and general rantings from explosions of my brain cells.
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Thursday, October 30, 2008

Why I shouldn't blog when I'm emotional.

I want my blog to be something I look back to you know? Look back and smile, look back and cry and look back and feel sad or something... Which is why I always try and tell myself to blog only after a certain life changing event so that it would be a 'reflection' of what happened...

Problem is I always feel the urge to write when I'm in the suckiest mood of all. Which is why a lot of my posts are still stuck as drafts. I would publish them...but those are my deepest darkest secrets and I don't think I'm ready to share those, even if it is with strangers. Does anyone else do that? I mean I'd love to be anonymous on here, and I take assurance in the fact that there's millions on blogger and no one I know will easily stumble upon my blog...but still!

Like my last post...I mean I was so disappointed when I wrote that post. Now looking back at yesterday I realize that I shouldn't even have made such a huge fuss about it. Yes the money is a huge huge huge issue but I had an awesome talk with my brother on our way to manchester (aaah, whole different story) and I explained things to him. He responded well to our little chat, taught me all about the post rock movement in the 80s and we're back to normal! I don't think I'm very good with handling my feelings. I don't really get angry...I just cry. I always hold my tears in when I should be crying and the tears come at the most random times!! Sigh, I'm such a nut.

But I still have reason to rant! Okay? Like the Manchester thing. My brother has an accountancy exam coming Monday (mind you he did all the science subjects for his IB so he knows jack squat about anything to do with Finance) and he tells me he doesn't have the textbook for it yesterday. I had reason to get annoyed right? The exam is 25% of his final mark for his first year in this module! I tried to get hold of it, but that darn book wasn't available anywhere in Liverpool! We had to go to Manchester uni yesterday evening (and this is a little bit of a confession, forgive me God) to pick up one I reserved there and turns out my reservation won't be available for the next few days. Due to a misunderstanding on the part of the guy working at the bookstore, I finally did manage to get the book but it was meant for someone else. He mistook me for a woman that called in a week ago to reserve the same book (which no one could get anywhere since it was out of stock with the publishers) and the woman hadn't left a name...For my brother's sake I knew I had to get a hold of that stupid book. But I didn't correct with the guy that I wasn't the person the book was reserved for, forgive me God!

Speaking to my mum today and updating her on how cooking lessons are going with my brother even she commented on how I'm doing the mum's job around here. I don't think I really want to! I'm the sister...I wanna do that job! Ok I think I'm just being hormonal and cribbing now...Anyway, today's shopping day and I better run if I'm gonna get anything good from the sales. Plus I finally did make that doctor's appointment and I need to go pick up my repeat prescription. Now if only the weather in Liverpool would not be as icy....!! No seriously my joints are hurting walking around here, its icy AND windy, and the wind chill factor counts for a lot!! But on a happier note, here's a happy picture :)

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Hula Hoop

I want a hula hoop. I was to spin it forever around me. I was a secret portal from another world to open up while I do so and I want to vanish completely forever into it.
Everything's been so weird lately. I thought me and D hated each other and couldn't stand each other anymore. I had completely given up...till I got the sweetest phone call last night that the snowfall in London reminded him of me. People change so randomly. I had complete faith on Mick. My dad said some things which should have made me wanna change my opinion but I didn't. Suddenly I find out not everything is the way it used to be. I've always treated my brother like an adult and he's respected that. Maybe its about time I treated him like an 18 year old for a change 'cuz I've just realized he's the most irresponsible jerk of a brother and I have to clean up after him. I don't know how I'm gonna cover up for him and face my dad. I'm trying to call my mum but she's in India 'property ke silsile mein' and I can't get to get at 6am IST. She's the one person I can generally talk to...will she be disappointed in her kids if I tell her the truth? Being an adult is hard man...Having the flu is hard too! I missed my flu jab appointment with the nurse this morning 'cuz I had to cook and clean for my brother. Why the heck don't guys learn how to cook? What is up with that? It's not like thats something only women do!! Geez, how much money are you gonna spend on 'instant' food...just learn how to freaking make pasta, a sandwich, two minute noodles!!!
I need to pack up all my shit too...How am I gonna do all this?!?! There's so much shit to sort out. I need to go to Sid's to get it done but I don't know why it's weird between us now. Is it because I wanted to leave and I actually made an active decision about my life? Everyone's judging me about moving. I know it. I felt the stares in the mandir yesterday. I knew all of them were thinking about it as they wished me Happy Diwali. Whores.
Why is there weed in this world? Why do people waste their money buying and why do people waste their time smoking it?
I'm such a mess right now I don't know where to start from...It's driving me a little insane...I just want to run away...

Hanging with my brother...



Tuesday, October 28, 2008

I'm back!!!!!

Oh dear lord have I missed my blog! Almost two months!!! =) But I am back, for now, in Liverpool...which isn't the internet devoid place I had been living in for the last few weeks and a lot of updating is baaki!
Happy Diwali to everyone and I'll be writing in loads soon!! =)