Thing's aren't looking any better...

...but I still find reasons to smile.

Today has possibly been one of the hardest days in my life. I'm kicking myself in the head because of the way my past has past, and I don't know what the future has in hold for me. My brother's here, my parents are there and we're all just at loggerheads at the moment. We've got a ton of decisions to make, everyone's all antsy & I can't help but feel a little guilty, 'cuz I'm causing all this trouble. Plus my brother's uni stuff needs to be decided and that's not always easy. Sigh, it's so hard being a child. You don't want to dissapoint your parents. It's so hard being a parent! You want to do the best for your kids!

Everything's so mixed up right now Lord. I know you're sovereign, you see what no one else sees & you do have a plan for me.I know I'm not supposed to understand it, or even see it but I really need strength right now to make it through all this. Please help me keep my mind straight, focus on the work to be done and be patient with members of my family and my friends. I find myself easily breaking down and tears just start to flow like crazy whenever I get emotionally ovrwhelmed (which is a lot these days) plus I want to move countries and go live somewhere else, but running away isn't the solution. I understand that, please Lord just cut me some slack and help me be strong. I need it! See you Sunday.

I was wigging out majorly this morning. I think I've cried like 7 times. Earlier I checked my mail and someone smart had sent me this poem which I didn't understand completely. After this lovely person sent me a translation back I realized something very very important that helped me make it through today. The past isn't mine. It's never coming back. It's gone, it's history. What IS mine is my future. And I have the power to make it what I want to be. It's a blank canvas & I can paint it any color I like. If I sit here moaning about the past all it'll help me do is waste precious time I could have used picking color's to paint my huge white canvas with. So no more moaning! Or atleast I'm gonna try =)

For now I'll just leave you with the poem. If anyone needs a full English translation, I can now happily oblige =)

"Raho Jameen par asmaan ke khwab rakho..

tum apni soch ko har waqt lajawaab rakho...

Khade na ho sako itna na sir jhukao kabhi..

tum apne haath main kirdaar ki kitaab rakho...

ubhar raha jo suraj to dhoop nikalegi...

ujaalon main raho mat dhoondh ka hisaab rakho...

milo to aise ki bhool na paaye tumhe...

mehek wafa ki rakho aur behisaab rakho...

akalmandon main raho akalmandon ki tarah...

aur nadaaanon main rehna ho to raho nadaan se...

woh jo kal tha aur apna bhi nahi tha doston...

aj ko lekin sajaa lo ek nayi pehchaan se...."

PS: Thank you Ravish, god bless you!